Michelle Buteau is a mom, partner, dog mom, star, writer, comic, and television host. Her book of autobiographical essays, Survival of the Thickest, will quickly be a Netflix series. She also co-hosts the popular podcast Adulting on the Exactly Right network. With all this life experience, we rely on Michelle’s capability to browse a number of social quandaries. Here’s her guidance to our readers in the December 2022 issue of Real Simple.

Get Off My Lawn

IDA: My neighbors’ kids, ages 9 and 6, have actually made a habit of playing in my front backyard. I don’t want to be understood as the irritable neighbor.

MICHELLE: I’m so mad your neighbors have put you in this position! Ya give them an inch and they take a mile and it’s not fair. Ida, you are not a cranky neighbor. You just want people to appreciate your boundaries. In the words of Beverly Hills Real Housewife Lisa Rinna, own it! Fight isn’t enjoyable, but at least you can go into this discussion understanding you’re right. You’ve asked multiple times for these kids not to use your lawn, and you’ve asked nicely. We strive to have our own space– it’s our assurance, and we can not feel guilty about that. Have another talk with the parents. If that doesn’t work, write a nice but firm letter. And if that doesn’t work, let’s put a sign on your lawn that says “Private Property.” You got this, Ida! Own it!

Suspicious Scents

We have neighbors on either side of us, and we think we know which unit the stink is coming from. We have not brought it up with either set of neighbors, because we don’t desire to sound accusatory.

MICHELLE: I understand a lot of smokers, and I’m not just talking about Traeger grills that pop up throughout BBQ season. Go talk to your neighbors. State that due to the fact that it’s prohibited, you don’t want to see anyone get into problem.

Blinded by the (Flood) light.

BETH: Instead of a routine old porch light, my across-the-street neighbors have set up a floodlight. It points directly into my house and is left on basically all the time. Yes, even in the middle of the night! We’ve never ever spoken, just sharing the occasional wave when our paths cross, and the light has actually been an issue for months now. What can I do?

MICHELLE: Oh no, Beth! Not pointed at your house and in the middle of the night! We require our sleep to keep us adorable! What makes the most sense is to have a chat, and ideally they’re reasonable people. Bring a basket of something delicious. Introduce yourself, enhance their home, then get to the floodlight. Ask: “May I address the floodlight?” Inform them it glares into your room at night and it’s difficult to sleep. You could suggest utilizing a movement sensor for the light so it’s not on the entire time. State you’ve considered blackout drapes. (Have you? I love them.) Thank them for their time and consideration. Shared areas are constantly a compromise, even when you understand the person! Like every pin and magnet at the flea market says, you bring in more flies with honey than vinegar.

To Rock the Boat or Not?

MANDY: We moved into our community last winter season, and this summer we’ve recognized that our next-door neighbor across the street likes to park his truck and boat in front of his house. It’s aesthetically displeasing, and since our driveways back into each other, we have to be extra mindful when we’re leaving. Can we ask him to move his vehicles? Or is this one of those situations where we simply need to let it go?

I have next-door neighbors who own six vehicles. I do not want to get into my fascination with jumpsuits and ankle boots, so I’ll simply say I’m fortunate my closet isn’t a shared area with my next-door neighbors. When you accept that your neighbor’s lifestyle is part of your everyday life (it’s kinda like you all own a boat, only you just get to look at it), I believe it’ll bother you less.